Guard your flashlights carefully!

Scott and I are fairly normal people, other than the karaoke obsession. We're conservative in our politics, Christian in our beliefs, we like to have fun but know when it's time to be serious. All of our friends are good people, 35 years old and up. We're all grown-ups.

As you know, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family....or who your family marries, or who their friends are.

Scott's sister's husband has a friend named Steven. Steven is kinda out there and not the kinda guy that we like having around us anyway, so Steven has been to our house - once - with Scott's brother in law. While he was here, the flashlight off my desk mysteriously disappeared. It was a nice flashlight...small and powerful enough for looking for things under my desk, and I used it frequently. So the morning after Steven is here, I notice my flashlight is missing. Scott said Steven had been sitting at my computer after I went to bed. Well, I'll be damned. Scott doesn't much care for Steven, so it was nothing to him when I said I didn't want Steven back in my house if he was going to steal things. No problem.

So tonight, Scott's talking to his mom on the phone (he's such a good boy), and in the course of the conversation, she tells him that Steven was at her house and while he was there, her flashlight disappeared....and in the course of mentioning this to her daughter, Scott's sister, it turns out that Steven had stolen HER flashlight as well!

WTF?

So this guy has a flashlight fetish? Is there some sexual overtone to a flashlight fetish? Allowing for a very liberal moment that a flashlight fetish is somehow ok, is there something weird that he's stolen the flashlights of all the women in Scott's immediate family?

Scott says he's gonna go find Steven and kick his ass, saying all the while "what kind of low life steals a woman's flashlight? You like leaving them defenseless and in the dark? You get off on the fact that you have their flashlight? You scum....we're going to your house and picking up every fucking flashlight you've got....see how you like it!"

I admit that my mind extrapolated the sexual fetish thing for a moment, wondering what sexual gratification he was using them for. As my sphincter tightened up, I just decided I wasn't going there!!

So, if there is a sexual gratification for Steven in stealing women's flashlights, are there others out there with this fetish? Is there some supersecret female flashlight fetish club somewhere?

With Google at my fingertips, I'm sure I could research this and find out, but I think there are just some things I'd rather not know.

All I can say is guard your flashlights carefully, you never know!